Top 10 Most Absurd Things Done with Taxpayer Money

10. They Don’t Know….

Wait, what money? 

     Numerous examples illustrate the copious amounts of taxpayer money that seems to simply vanish. I don’t know about you, but if I had a few billion dollars that suddenly went missing, I think I’d start to wonder. In fact, when twenty dollars of mine seems to go missing, I start pointing fingers. You’d think with all the pointless jobs that have been “created” lately, perhaps someone could be put in charge of not losing everyone else’s money. sources 1 2 3

9. Rearranging Desks

Yea… This just isn’t working for me.

     According to CBS, after the Securities and Exchange Commission built a seven story building, (that went over it’s budget by 48 Million dollars) they decided that the way the desks were position was hindering communication. Oh, what shall we do?! Why, spend 3.9 Million more to rearrange the desks of course!

8. Government Provided Cell Phones

I got a Obama phone!

     According to http://www.freegovernmentcellphones.net, there are a variety of providers that will give free cellphones to basically anyone. Are you an illegal alien with no cell phone, and no ID? Yes, you’re covered too! In fact, as long as you claim to be on some sort of government funding, you’re illegible (no need to even prove it) This, in particular, causes a a wad of bile to reach my throat when I consider that my recent cell phone bill was $75 a month. In addition to that, almost half of my family income went to providing other people with cell phones that don’t cost a thing. I understand that life isn’t fair, but it isn’t ludicrous either.

7. Turtle Highways

Must be nice having a private highway.

    In 2009 Florida received 13 billion stimulus dollars from the government. Most went to building roads, feeding seniors and saving jobs; however, 3.4 Million of that stimulus package went to building a tunnel to help turtles cross a busy highway. Even for the most extreme environmentalist PETA wackos, that seems to be pushing it a bit far. Even I will admit to swerving on a road to avoid natures little creatures, but would I spend even $10 to avoid it? The answer is no, probably not. The Lion King taught me a very important lessons at an early age. It’s called the circle of life.
Source 

6. A Positive Social Networking Experience

I feel better about life already.

    The government funded a project in 2011 at the University of California-Riverside to research whether or not social media programs, IE: Facebook, Twitter, etc… make people happy. Are those likes really legit? Or are you simply pretending for the satisfaction of others? Well ladies and gentlemen, for your economical stimulating pleasure, $198,000 was spent to find out.
Source 

5. Providing Indonesians with a Masters Degree

Are you pondering what I’m pondering Pinky?

      An Estimate of between 16 and 20 million dollars have been used to help students from Indonesia get a master’s degree. The Obama administration hopes to increase the “number of Indonesian future leaders holding advanced degrees from U.S. and in-country institutions of high education.” Wait a second, you mean, because I’m from America, I have to pay for my own education? In fact, that’s exactly what it means. The question that I’m sure has all of your scratching your heads. What does this have to do with me and making our country better? I’ll let you figure out the answer to that one, but I’ll give you a hint. Cough-nothing-cough…
Source

4. Parties

I’m never invited

       For almost half a century, both the Democrats and Republicans have been using taxpayer’s legal tender to fund their lavish party conventions. How generous are you! You think that it’s a mere 2 or 3 million dollars do you? How about 100 million dollars every four years? Friends, while your paycheck is being commandeered and your salary dropping, politicians are enjoying films, gifts, dinners, and transportation all provided by you. Feel that sobering slap in the face!
Source  2

3. Hiring an Intern

Just one

      How many interns do you believe you could hire with a 2 million dollar taxpayer-funded internship program? How about…. 1? After an audit by the USDA, the agriculture department is still believed to be “at risk.” Stating that improvement projects were “poorly managed, 2 million dollars was spent on funding an internship program, 3 million was spent on technology hardware that was never used and $325,000 was spent on a project that was later cancelled. This all results in hiring a single intern. My only hope was the internship was a payed position.
Source 1 

2. Training Chinese Prostitutes

   She hasn’t been trained yet.

      Washington has spent a mind-boggling 2.6 million dollars on training Chinese prostitutes to drink more responsibly on the clock. This logic apparently stems from the fact that Chinese lady-hookers are spreading HIV. For those of you who know nothing about HIV, let me enlighten you, HIV can infect persons of the homosexual preference. How do you think we should solve this growing pandemic? Silly taxpayer, by limiting the amount of alcohol in houses of ill repute! Money was spent on funding the study of why inebriated harlots are more likely to engage in more dangerous and promiscuous sexual activities. If this wasn’t bad enough, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism is also funding a hefty study to find out why gay men in Buenos Aires are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior when drunk and what can be done about it.
Source

1. Researching Drug Induced Sexual Activity in Birds

I’m feeling kind of funny… Where da ladeez at?

      Kentucky, having spent their first grant of $181,000, received another $175,587 to study whether cocaine increases risky sexual behavior in Japanese Quail. As chortles erupt, this study is set to continue for another 3 years. Backers assure that this could give us vital information on the effects of cocaine on humans. The grant description is posted as “Controlled preclinical studies that utilize animal models have demonstrated that prior repeated exposure to cocaine enhances sexual motivation and behavior.” As if the thousands of books already written on the effects of cocaine in humans didn’t know what they were talking about, cocaine can increase one’s desire to engage in giggidy. Clearly this is a reason to continue the study of it’s effects on quail. Ladies, gentlemen, and Quail…. Just say No.
Sources 1 2 3

 

Notable Others

  • Upgrading Federal Employees flights to Business Class
  • Building an IHOP in Washington DC
  • Tree Census and Inventory
  • Snow Cone Machines in Michigan
  • USPS $13,500 Dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse

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